Home Schooling: It's Not For Everyone (but could it be for you?)

• By: MountainFarmgirl
• On: 04/17/2011 07:37:25
• In: Mountain Bounty, Mountain Blessings
• Comments: 30

I’m a veteran. Not the military kind, although I do love my country dearly and honor and respect those who have chosen to serve it as a career. But I’m talking about a different sort of service: an ‘educational’ one … “Home schooling” to be exact. After a 20-year career of teaching our four kids at home and a 4-year hiatus to take a professional sabbatical (during which time I also explored other educational alternatives), the Mountain Farmgirl is back in the saddle again, teaching her youngest son at home. It’s not for everyone … could it be for you?

Let’s face it; if we’re lucky enough to have children, we ARE their very first teachers. From the moment they emerge, warm, wet and looking intently into our eyes for love and guidance, we have become (for better or for worse) the most important teacher they will ever have. It was at just such a moment that I first decided to homeschool our kids.  Christopher was all of about 3 seconds old  … and I had never even heard of homeschooling before, let alone felt prepared to undertake such a daunting task. But having lost a baby at birth a decade before, and now seeing this perfect little person, this beautiful bundle of potential looking intensely at me – almost through me into my soul -- every primal maternal instinct that has ever existed in the universe kicked into play, and I was a tiger mom, ready for action! It was a golden moment, forever crystalized in time. 25 years after the fact, I can still revisit the moment with all its sights, sounds and the sweet buttery smell of my newborn to this very day. Reliving the moment, I see my husband Dana sitting beside me on the bed, telling me to “drink in every precious moment, because in the blink of an eye our little son would be getting ready to board a school bus for his first day of school”! The jolt of that reality was such an astonishing thought that every fiber of my being revolted against it; and though I didn’t know it at the time, our first day of home schooling had begun.
To be perfectly upfront, let me say that I am an unabashed homeschool advocate, an evangelical one in fact – but I’ll also be the first to admit that it’s not an option - or even the right choice for everyone. Still, for me it has been somewhat of a mission that I have been on for more than two decades now. From home school mom to convention speaker, support group leader to homeschool liason between parents and the state Board of Regents, I have immersed myself in home schooling from just about every angle. During my recent 4 year professional sabbatical from homeschooling, during which time our daughter attended an alternative private school and our youngest son Josh attended our public grammar and middle schools here in New Hampshire, I have had the opportunity to round out my perspective and to understand the pros and cons of public schooling, private schooling, un-schooling and homeschooling in a very unique way, up close and personal. With one son now in college and another as an entrepreneur with a profession of his own, a daughter about to go to art school in the fall and a 14 year old still at home, I’ve also come through the educational fires and successfully out the other side enough times to tell you -- beyond a shadow of a doubt-- that homeschooling absolutely DOES work!
As a Farmgirl sister with this awesome privilege and opportunity of being able to share ideas with kindred spirits around the country through my Farmgirl columns, today I would like to share my  experiences regarding education in general, and homeschooling in particular. No judging is allowed … which ever one you decide on for your family, I can tell you that I have been there myself and I totally applaud your choice!
In a nutshell, my educational philosophy can be summed up in two words: Lifelong Learning! You’re never too young, you’re never too old; and it’s NEVER too late to learn! One of the things I was pretty good at while teaching my older kids, was the art of erasing the boundaries that separated one subject from another; you know, the ones that presented the world as a disjointed collection of facts to be learned. That kind of teaching, which divides learning into distinct and disconnected subjects has plenty of place when you get to higher, more specialized subjects. But early on I rather liked to show the interrelatedness of things, allowing one subject to flow seamlessly into another during the course of a day; all just a natural part of daily living. It was important to me that my children didn’t think of learning as “starting” and “stopping” at certain times of the day, after certain subjects were completed, or at different seasons of the year (such as summer vacation, a time of year when perhaps we actually learned the most). Learning is as natural as breathing and is just part of daily life. Learning is FUN!!!
As fate would have it, shortly after Christopher was born and homeschooling was unconsciously incubating in my heart and mind, I accidentally saw a flyer advertising a homeschool group that was forming in our area. At the time we were living and working in New York City where my husband was going to law school, and where I was the director of a Quaker International Community House. Having never actually known that you COULD teach your kids at home, but being enormously intrigued and drawn to the idea once I heard that it might be possible, I decided to attend what turned out to be the inaugural meeting of the New York City Home Educators Alliance (NYCHEA). I came home totally on fire for home educating our son.  Unfortunately, my enthusiastic passion and newfound conviction wasn’t met with such unconditional acceptance back at home! My husband, who was about to get his Doctorate in Law, was a man who came from a family that not only valued traditional education, but one that considered it absolutely mandatory. After all, with a mother who had her Ph.D in Organic Chemistry, a dad whose advanced degrees were in Engineering and Computer Science, and siblings with Masters and Doctorates themselves, my husband’s family was not only unconvinced about home education, they thought I had totally lost my mind and were about to have me committed. I didn’t have any better luck on my own side of the family, either. My mother had been a public school teacher for 26 years at the time and was serving her second term as President of her School Board. Needless to say, the news was received with critical acclaim … with the focus here being  on the word  ‘critical’! But although I was completely outnumbered, I was not discouraged. When you know in your heart that something is right, discouragement is not an option; patience and perseverance, however, are.  (And I had plenty of them!)
Although I totally believe that home schooling starts from the very first breath a child takes, it was not necessary at that time to actually fight the family city hall, as the expression goes. Chris was only an infant and there was plenty of time to become “official”! I ordered some homeschooling magazines and was so inspired and impressed by them, that I ended up getting all the back issues, leaving them conspicuously around our apartment, conveniently in the bathroom, anywhere my husband (a voracious reader) might pick one up out of curiosity. To make a long story short, in time he went from ‘skeptic’ to ‘convinced’ that we needed to pursue this further, and eventually he became as passionate as I.
Although we weren’t aware of them at the time, we have discovered that there are SO many reasons that homeschooling makes sense and works so well.  But before I mention a few, this might be a good time to acknowledge that there are probably just as many reasons why it wouldn’t work in certain situations either. When I give  talks on home education, right about now I can start to feel the hackles going up on the back of a few parent’s necks! No need to bristle … there are many different paths to an education, and homeschooling is only one of many alternatives. Maybe you have to work, or you feel overwhelmed by the prospect. You might feel you are not organized enough; there may be medical issues that take precedence; or you and your child’s personalities may clash when you spend lots of time in close proximity to one another. Your own personal needs will dictate the situation and the decision, and one choice is not better than another. When it IS a good fit, however, you will find (just like anything else) that the sky is the limit to the educational adventures you can take right along with your family.
Before I elaborate, let me first interject what home schooling IS NOT!! So many people get hung up on the “socialization” aspect of homeschooling -- the fear of children being isolated and “unsocialized” in a homeschool setting – that this becomes a stumbling block they cannot get beyond to hear all the great benefits. So let’s address this first. If I could pick only ONE reason to homeschool, this would probably be it. Homeschooling is NOT house arrest; in fact the entire world is our classroom (quite literally, as you will see). With only one exception in my 24 years of experience (and this child was a special case who would have been unsociable in ANY setting) I have found homeschoolers to be immensely better socialized than any other children I’ve ever met. They play with and look out for children younger than themselves; they love their siblings; they can have meaningful and polite conversations with adults, and they also feel comfortable and in control in any range of public situations. (Not so with the majority of public schoolers in my experience). In fact, for myself and almost every homeschooler I know, the opposite is almost a problem.  So much is going on in the lives of most home school families that they have to make a concerted effort to spend more time at home. Believe me when I say that “socialization” is not a problem!
In the case of my own children, no four siblings could be more different. (Fortunately they were born at home so I know that they are all mine!!). From personalities to learning styles, circadian rhythms to personal interests, each of their unique qualities would have been lost in a one-size-fits-all classroom. Let me give you some examples (Of course I’m naturally proud of my kids, but please don’t think I’m bragging about them. They each had things going FOR and AGAINST them, and home schooling allowed us to capitalize on their strengths and work within their limits or weaknesses. I’ll have to keep it short here, but the more complete story is on our website at http://ilovethelodge.com/innkeepers/index.php ). 

Christopher is our oldest. He’ll be 25 in September, and getting married this June to the sort of young  woman I have prayed to come into his life since the day he was born.  A few years ago, when he knew Elizabeth would be “the one” he asked my husband and me for a Purity ring, as they had both pledged to keep themselves pure until marriage. They have separate apartments in Pittsburgh where he is the Assistant Manager of a hotel and she is finishing up her degree in Neurology. Chris was our homeschool “ginuea pig”, so to speak. Really bright intellectually, Chris also had dyslexia and was a very late reader. With all family eyes scrutinizing our homeschool “experiment”, you can imagine the pressure we were getting when Chris was 11 years old and still not reading! I held my ground, however, because both my husband and his father and brother were late developmentally as well, and today they are some of the most well-read men you could ever meet. So, I had faith, we read a lot out loud, and by the age of 12 something “kicked in” and everything fell into place for him.  He hasn’t put books down since. Chris is a very hands-on learner, loves to build things, is physically very active, and his list of accomplishments is astounding (see website if curious). The point is, in a traditional school setting, Chris would have been ‘labeled’ and tracked in a program that would have kept him from being the high achiever that he is, and his self-esteem would have suffered in the process. While it was a ‘big deal’ at age 11 not to be able to read, in the scheme of his whole life, what does that matter, now that he does read, and reads probably more voraciously today than most people his age?

Our son Noah is another special case that was helped along by homeschooling. The first day he ever sat in a “real” classroom was his first day as a student at Johns Hopkins University, where he is currently a sophomore majoring in Mathematics and Computer Science. We never taught Noah to read; he somehow intuitively absorbed it while sitting on my lap as I read books aloud to the family. But however it happened, he was reading on his own by the age of 4 and Noah’s genius became apparent at a very early age. At the age of 6 he was beating adults at local chess tournaments, and he had an international chess career that is  very impressive. We had him tested twice as a child, and his IQ is off the charts; we were told it was so high it could not be accurately assessed. All this just confirmed what we already knew, that Noah was smart, REALLY smart, and he would have been bored stiff at a public school. We were able to supplement subjects such as higher mathematics with college courses on DVD. He graduated from home High School by age 14, and spent the next few years teaching himself computer programming languages and starting a web design business. The local Chamber of Commerce named him Young Entrepreneur of the Year, and he was afterwards headhunted by a local facial recognition company as a Software Engineer. The experience and the perks were so good that he decided to put off college until he was 20. Once accepted, however, he got a 50% scholarship to Johns Hopkins University and had saved up enough money to pay the other half himself.

Our daughter Zia will be 19 this year, and is headed to the Maine College of Art in the fall, where she has just received their Presidential Scholarship. Like her oldest brother, Zia has learning disabilities and dyslexia. She was fully 12 years old before she could read on her own.  However, if there were such a thing, today she would get my vote for the “Lifetime Reader award” for being THE most well-read young woman on planet earth!  Zia has read nearly the entire library, from philosophy to fiction to historical works, and the amazing thing is that she not only retains what she reads but she can recall it and is so articulate about expressing it!  School would have been disaster for her not only for her delayed reading skills, or her lack of interest in all other academic subjects, but because she is on a totally different internal time schedule from everyone in our part of the world.  Since the day she was born, Zia has been a night person.  She begins to come alive around 3 or 4 in the afternoon and stays awake all night long, painting and drawing and reading up a storm. Years and years of trying to change around her schedule to fit more in with the rest of the family’s, has resulted in failure and tears. Her internal clock is just wound differently, and that is part of what makes her the special person that she is. Obviously, this would never have worked in a public school setting. From the time she was able to grab a paintbrush or a pencil, Zia has been drawing and painting non-stop. She sings like a warbler, dances like Isadora Duncan, and has been putting on theatrical performances all her life. Her homemade costume collection rivals that of our local theater! Her 1-year sojourn to an alternative school that focused on the arts was an interesting and eye-opening experience for her. Homeschooling had given her a maturity and self-motivation that she found lacking in her peers, and the shift in schedule to daylight hours was daunting. To her credit she stuck it out for the entire year, but ultimately decided to homeschool the rest of high school.

And now we come to Joshua, our 14 year old son, and the reason I am a home school mom once again. Josh was homeschooled his whole life, including the 2 years right after we moved to New Hampshire. The Grammar school in our little village was adorable, looking like the old 1-room schoolhouse it had originally been. Except that it now had 4 rooms, and its reputation was amazing.  Things like weeklong theater productions, half-days twice every week in winter for XC and downhill skiing, computers for every child, 3-day canoe trips, overnights on the Appalachian Trail. The kids go out on snowshoes in the spring and collect the sap to be boiled in the school sugar house.  They put on a pancake breakfast for the community to raise money.  In short, Jackson public school was just too good to pass up, especially when you are also focusing a lot of energy getting a new family venture off the ground. So we gave the public school a try and it was as wonderful as we had hoped. Josh had 5 kids in his class in the combined 5th and 6th Grade class, and a teacher’s helper in addition to his main teacher. It was incredible, but I had always expected to homeschool him when it came time for Middle School. What I hadn’t expected was resistance from him; Josh wanted to continue to be with his classmates and friends for 7th Grade. We relented, knowing that we had 2 years to make the Big Decision about what we would do for High School.  Fortunately, Josh made it for us: last week he asked us to start homeschooling him again, starting immediately. He was frustrated at school. With his sights on a college for Engineering, he was not being challenged in math. He is also a people person and born performer.  Josh has been perfecting several magic acts and stand-up comedy routines that he discovered do not go over well in a classroom setting! In short, some of his native abilities were being stifled, and his academic aspirations not being challenged enough … a perfect recipe for homeschooling.

So, what are some of the obstacles to homeschooling?  These are a lot of the ones I frequently hear about from parents:
• I’m not smart enough. Don’t think this way.  There are plenty of things my kids would ask me that I didn’t know the answer to, but it was a wonderful opportunity to say, “Gee, I don’t know, but let’s find out together.” It’s important for them to see that learning is ongoing, no matter what your age. With access to a computer, the whole world is at your fingertips (not always a good thing … more on this later!). Catalogs like The Teaching Company offer college and high school subjects on DVD, and chances are that someone you know has experience in a particular subject you may feel unqualified to teach, who could act as your child’s mentor. Have confidence; you can do it!!  
• I don’t have the time. If you have a full time job away from home, this may be true; you’ll have to decide. But homeschooling takes less time than you would think.  There is so much time wasted during a typical school day, from  the bus ride, to time between classes, lunch, recess, waiting for students to focus or catch up, etc. We had a pretty rigorous academic schedule for Chris and Noah, but the academics were always done before lunch. Granted, sometimes we didn’t eat until 1 or 1:30, but afterwards, my kids were free to pursue their own personal projects, play outside, etc.
• Money is tight. I hear you on this one! We are currently in a different financial situation than we were when we homeschooled our older children, but  back then we often rolled coins to put gas in the tank or go to the grocery store. Even so, there are creative ways to homeschool that don’t cost a lot of money. You don’t need as many books and supplies as you think you do (I always overbought books, my one true weakness). Use the library; some school districts let you use books for free, get used curriculum materials from other families, etc. Our boys had a gift for chess.  As they won local and state titles, they went on to win the Nationals and even international competitions. This required lots of travel, as you can imagine, and we were broke.  My husband noticed that they were always looking for Tournament Directors, so he studied and took an exam, and always offered his services at tournaments that our children were registered for (although he never directed in the same rooms in which they were playing). One of the perks back then was a per diem payment that covered the cost of their travel and hotel rooms as well as meals. It was the only way we could have been able to do it. Eventually they competed all over the country, in South America and in Europe. It opened many doors for them and cost us practically nothing. Be creative; where there is a will there is a way.
• I’m not organized. Record keeping is essential in homeschooling.  If you aren’t that way naturally, it is a learnable skill.
• Socialization. As I previously mentioned, this is not a valid criticism; only a perceived one by those who don’t understand anything about the homeschooling lifestyle. Relax about this one; it’s NOT a problem!
• Will they get into college? Yes they will! Statistics don’t lie, and homeschoolers tend to test out way ahead on standardized tests and conduct themselves extremely well in college interviews. Enough water has gone over the educational dam by now and the track records are so great, so that this is no longer a stigma to be concerned about.

Where to Start?
If you’re interested in pursuing homeschooling for your children, laws vary from state to state, so you will have to do some research on the requirements for where you live. Look it up online … you’ll find more information that you ever wanted to know, from the legal particulars, to curriculum requirements and how and to whom to report your homeschooling activities. Look also for local homeschool support groups who will take you under their wings.  Home school families are a very generous and helpful bunch. You are NOT alone in this!  Home schooling has become so accepted and prevalent these days that schools like Harvard have their own Dean just to review all the home school applications they receive.

So much to Choose From … How to Do it All?!
Outside the more traditional box of educational choices such as courses, workshops and classes that may be offered locally, the world is your oyster when it comes to opportunities.  Here are a few we did with our kids:
• The Family Farm – My husband’s cousin has a farm and farm stand, and our family spent more than a decade there, 4 days a week throughout the season. Helping to plant and harvest  vegetables, they also manned  the farm stand, waiting on customers (socialization!) and making change (math!).  They earned money, we got to bring home fresh, organic produce, and the hands-on experience and work ethics they learned are a priceless gift that will last a lifetime.
• The Congressional Award Program – If you don’t know about this, you should, it’s great! Our son Chris was enrolled and made it all the way up to a Gold Medal, which he received from our Congressman at a special ceremony in Washington DC. The program is open to students age 14-24, and helps them set personal goals in 4 categories (Physical Fitness, Community Service, Personal Development, and an Adventure/Exploration project that takes them out of their culture or comfort zone.  http://www.congressionalaward.org/

(Our son Josh is currently enrolled, and some of the things he is doing for Personal Development, for example, is to learn a computer programming language and then design and execute  a website for his Magic Act business he has been developing the last several years. He has already volunteered to give two Magic Shows, one to the local community and one at the library. For the Gold Medal Physical Fitness requirement, he has chosen to walk the length of the Appalachian Trail that runs through New Hampshite (117 miles!).
• Civil Air Patrol – this wonderful organization under the auspices of the Air Force helped develop our kid’s Leadership skills while giving them a great background in Aerospace Education and practical experience in actual Search and Rescue Operations.  One of our sons earned the Spaatz Award; another was chosen to be a Young American Ambassador to China one summer. Full of educational opportunities. http://www.gocivilairpatrol.com/
• Don’t overlook volunteering at museums, going on archaeological digs, etc.  We did these and other things that can be read about on our website to give you some more ideas.

There are as many ways and reasons to homeschool as there are folks who do it. Basically, though, they fall into general categories:
• Classical/Traditional – those who stress academics, and may even set up a structured learning environment that mimics a school, with desks, schedules, subjects, homework assignments.
• Unschoolers – those who allow unstructured learning and let children follow their own passions, using a more relaxed, eclectic approach , unit studies, etc.
• Religious – God-centered education, giving children an educational experience that stresses certain beliefs, values, standards of behavior

Advice
I’m often asked to give advice to new homeschoolers. I can’t really do that, because everyone’s belief system, situation and children are different. These things must be worked out by trial and error.  However, our family had some guidelines that we believed in and lived by that worked extremely well for us:

1. We taught and lived the Golden Rule, and believed in God.
2. We treated our babies and children with respect. We did not own a stroller or playpen.  If they weren’t in our arms or on the floor exploring the world on their own, they practically lived in a backpack when they were young. There they were an active part of our world and we talked to them intelligently (did not talk “down” to them with baby speak). We just talked to them intelligently all day long, assuming they could understand us even if they were babies.
3. We believed in Tools, not toys. For example, when Chris was given a make believe plastic vacuum toy, we exchanged it for a Dustbuster … a real mini-vacuum that really worked.  He felt that he was a valuable member of our family even as a tiny child because he was truly contributing.
4. We trusted our children and allowed them to take on responsibilities that might not be considered age appropriate, if we felt they were ready. For example, Chris could cut bananas for the fruit salad with a real paring knife at age 2. For his 5th birthday he got a Makita trim saw (a tiny, battery operated circular saw), but a very real one. We were with him when he used it, and he knew it could cut off his fingers and that  it would be taken away if he ever used it carelessly. He never had an accident, and today he is competent enough to build his own house from scratch.
5. No TV. We didn’t even own one. We did allow DVDs that we thought were appropriate for both learning and pleasure.
6. Computer Games were banned from our home. Instead, we read aloud played games together, and took long walks.

So there is my crash course in “Homeschooling 101 for Farmgirls Who Might Be Curious”!! Home schooling is not for the faint of heart; it is a huge parental commitment, but it is also one of the most rewarding things you could ever undertake. And now it is time for our class in Algebra, so I have to sign off and wish you a good day! Do any of you Farmgirls think Homeschooling might be an option for you?  Anybody out there already doing it, or perhaps just thinking about it? Why or Why not???!!!  

Until next time my dear friends, Mountain Bounty, Mountain Blessings,
Cathi Belcher, The Mountain Farmgirl